Just A Little Longer Read online

  Copyright © 2022 by Veronica Rajahram

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, neither transmitted in any form including electronically or mechanically without the express written permission of the writer.

  Published by Veronica Rajahram.

  Printed in the United States of America

  Cover designed by Veronica Rajahram

  ISBN 9798414195900 First Edition

  TRIGGER WARNINGS

  THIS BOOK CONTAINS TOPICS THAT SOME MAY FIND TRIGGERING HARMFUL OR PERTURBING. IF THESE TOPICS ARE CAUSING YOU ANY TYPE OF DISTRESS, I ENCOURAGE YOU TO PLEASE REACH OUT TO SOMEONE.

  POTENTIAL TRIGGERING TOPICS IN THIS BOOK INCLUDE:

   SELF-HARM

   SUICIDE/ATTEMPTS

   SEPARATION

   TRAUMA/PTSD

   PHYSICAL ABUSE

   VERBAL ABUSE

   ALCOHOL ABUSE

   EMOTIONAL ABUSE

  Introduction Letter to the Reader

  Dear Reader,

  I wrote this book to show you that you are not alone despite what you may go through, there is always a light at the end of the darkness. This book is a reminder to just hold on a little longer so that you can experience life..the real version of it. Take care of yourself and know that I am proud of you as a person and I’m rooting for you to keep going! May you find peace and happiness at the end of this book.

  ~Veronica Rajahram.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter Page Number

  Chapter 1……………………………………….1

  Chapter 2……………………………………….14

  Chapter 3……………………………………….25

  Chapter 4……………………………………….36

  Chapter 5……………………………………….48

  Chapter 6……………………………………….59

  Chapter 7……………………………………….70

  Chapter 8……………………………………….82

  Chapter 9……………………………………….93

  Chapter 10…………………...…………………104

  Chapter 11……………………………………...125

  Chapter 12……………………………..….……136

  Chapter 13………………..……………....…....147

  Chapter 14…………………….….……..……..157

  Chapter 15………..……….….………...……...168

  I dedicate this book

  TO MY MOTHER, CHANDRA.

  Thank you for instilling a love for writing in me

  And for being a role model to me.

  Chapter 1

  My name is Bree Kenneth. I am currently 21 years old and I could safely say I have the life I never even dreamed I could have as a child. Would you believe me if I said the life I live right at this delicate little moment is perfect? But I know you’re sitting there thinking to yourself. (gosh Bree, life isn’t perfect and I don’t think anyone even has a perfect life.) You’re right. But to me, the life I have.. it’s the closest to ‘perfect’ a human could ever get. Of this, I am convinced.

  As I mentioned, I’m 21 years old. Just for your curiosity, I’m a short, 5’2 individual with dark brown, straight hair and hazel eyes. I usually dress in hipster-styled outfits these days. Let’s just say I dress like life matters. Life was actually great for me but this wasn’t always so. In fact, I suffered.. I suffered while I walked through my own personal hell, I suffered bruises and several painful and quite literally, almost deadly casualties. Just not the kind you think. I suffered internal, mental casualties. Ones that butchered my mind, damaged it, even leaving me in the open, to do nothing but die. But today.. Today.. I have a smile on my face so take that life!

  I’m going to take you through my life because I want you to grow. I want you to be better. My name today is Bree but during this book, I’m just simple ‘Sabrina Kenneth.’ Why? How can a person just switch their names? Well you’ll find out why later.

  I’d like you to meet my dad, Joe Kenneth, a slim, fair-skinned and green-eyed man just about 5 feet and 9 inches to be exact. Brown hair with just a dash of greys coming in. He’s just a guy in his late 40’s mostly wearing tuxedos to go to work and maybe even outside of work. I’d like to mention that he also hates alcohol (his pet peeve) because his father had a long history with alcohol. To put it bluntly, a drinking problem which resulted in a broken home which dad never wanted for his own family. Beside that, there is my mom. My mom, Jennifer Kenneth, Irish roots formerly Jennifer Murphy. Jennifer is just a 5’4 individual, fair-skinned with brown eyes and loves to wear dresses. Meet the last member of the family or just my best friend Holly. Holly is by far, one of the reasons I can even tell my story. Holly is a 5’3, fair-skinned, green-eyed

  blondie. I call her superwoman. These are the people I started with and hopefully the ones I finish with.

  September 20th, 2008

  It was a beautiful Saturday morning. About 8a.m and ironically, I was 8 years old. I was an early bird because as mom always said, “only the early ones get the freshest cookies.” I always wanted to be on top of everything and I was. I’d get up and run to the kitchen to make the best waffles I could with mom. To my knowledge, she was a pro when it came to making waffles. Mom always refused to buy syrup and insisted that homemade was always the winner and maybe she was right. Homemade was forever the winner. Supermarket syrup could never.

  We would be in the kitchen making breakfast and waiting for dad to get up and get refreshed to eat breakfast too. Everybody had a busy day today, nevermind the fact that I had no school that day. My dad’s morning would be filled with phone calls because he was one of the most successful businessmen in our area, Jasonston City, a manager and mom? Mom was a simple housewife but sometimes would package cakes and sell them off to make some extra money. Don’t be fooled, she was a powerful woman.

  And me? I would just help mom out around the house on Saturdays or just sit at my desk reading for hours. I liked reading books. Most times, it was medical books because I really wanted to be a doctor as a child. I would even say because of reading them, I was pretty advanced for my age. When I wasn’t reading medical books, I read novels. I loved these too. It gave me chills when I could just get my hands on well-thought-out literature. I found peace in the words of others and at times, I even found myself. It was like a mirror or a strange reflection of myself in the water.

  Because of my incessant love for reading, dad created my very own library filled with shelves and shelves of different kinds of books. It was incredible. I had never read them all but by my guess, I could spend months in that room. Years even. And still, I could never begin to read even half of what I had

  owned. The room was gigantic, with large white walls and bronze bookshelves stacked with an unending supply of books. On the walls, held the most mesmerizing art pieces and beautiful galaxy-themed tapestries which we had gotten for my previous birthdays and right in the dead-centre, laid a colourful circle-shaped, galaxy-themed rug buried in pillows where one could simply sit or lay down to enjoy a book. I had always fostered a love for outer space. It was just another thing that could calm me and give me peace. It was my escape from reality. I found comfort in knowing that even when things got ugly down here, the sky remained beautiful up there.

  And that was my past time. With all the description I gave you. You might've guessed that we were one of the rich families. I couldn’t lie because that was once my story. Looking back now, I would say I was one of the rich kids. Our house was gigantic with a deep-green coloured and well-kept lawn that s
eemed to go on forever. We even owned two of the best cars of the year.

  On that morning though, my family kept busy by doing their own activities. By lunchtime, we all got back together for Chinese-style noodles, rice and chicken at our dining table. After lunch, we ate dessert which were cakes mom had made for us. Dad would usually finish work after lunch so we got time to spend with him or as we call it, ‘family time.’ Usually Saturday evenings were for groceries and maybe some time at the mall. We all got dressed and made our way to the grocery as a result. This was my favourite part of the day, I got to choose all the snacks I wanted and you’d be more than familiar with the fact that upon entry to any supermarket, you’d more than likely find a kid in the snack aisle first.

  I don’t know what it is about kids and snacks up till this day. Over the years, I’ve seen myself grow out of this trend but back then, I could never even fathom the idea of not getting a snack at the grocery store. So, I did just that, rushed to the snack aisle, found all the snacks I thought I wanted and ran back to grab my dad by the hand to ask for everything I saw. My famous words, “Can we buy this? And this? And this? and-” Damn, I almost seemed like a true addict, didn’t I.

  After that, mom and dad went on to buy everything else which was actually NECESSARY for cooking and I guess, maintaining ourselves or keeping us alive like meat or rice or just something as simple as napkins. Who could live without napkins right? But I was there to talk about the things that mattered. Snacks.

  ...Children..

  After that, dad paid for everything, piled them up in our car trunk and then we decided that we would go to the mall. Obviously, I was excited. I loved going out, just as much as I loved reading or space. The drive to the mall was always filled with dancing and singing on the way with a minor stop at my favourite pastry place, Navie’s.

  We stopped off at that place and we all got out to get the pastry of our choice. Dad paid once again and we made our way to the mall. What I didn’t know back then was that that place would just be one of my childhood memories and greatest tragedies.

  I loved it then because with every bite, I felt like I could taste heaven. My favourite custard pie tasted the same every time, no surprises. Even as a child, I wasn’t a big supporter of change and this pie felt like it would never change. I’m not sure if I figured that out as a kid but when I got older, I understood. Change was something I’d never welcome whether it be good or bad change, I always needed a place where things remained sort of in a state of .. inertia..yes.. remaining unchanged.

  I also loved Navie’s because my dad was the one who took me there for the first time. In my head, that place represented happiness.

  So back to my story, where we would eventually make it to the mall. One of the most popular malls in our city. We called it, ‘Garden City mall.’ By the name of

  the mall, you could probably imagine it being surrounded by green grass and flowers near the parking lot. To us, it was not just a mall, it was a paradise. It was perfect, or it was close to perfect.

  Dad parked our car and we all got out. Here’s one part I might’ve taken for granted. We all got out of the car, dad locked the doors and we all held hands on our walk into the mall. If I could only hold his hand now. It was dad on one end and mom on the other with yours truly in the middle.

  It was almost as if I functioned as the glue to keeping my family together. The things I might’ve done if I had only known that back then.

  We got inside the mall and you know how girls are. We love shopping so that was the first thing mom wanted to do. Her favourite store was located in this very mall. A store called ‘Jenna’s Clothing Boutique.’ Mom got inside and she may have forgotten she came with us. She found four of the most beautiful dresses I’d ever seen. All knee-height, one which was royal blue with black lines and a belt, one which was red, white and polka-dotted, one which was teal with black horizontal stripes and one that was fully black with a leather belt.

  Black, a colour that would soon become of utmost importance to me but I didn’t know it then. Back then, it was just a colour.

  Nevertheless, these dresses made mom look stunning. They really made her face stand out and I loved it. Dad even loved it; I could tell by the way he smiled at her after seeing every dress. Mom would put them on one by one and dad would stand with me outside her dressing room, waiting for her to try them on. As a man, you’d think he’d get bored waiting around in a ladies’ clothing store but dad wasn’t like that. Dad was an old-time romantic, if I am even eligible to call him that. I’m just saying that because I’d only always ever seen my parents in love.

  So, he’d wait with a smile on his face and eyes almost completely closed because when he smiled, his entire smile would take up the space which was

  made for his face.

  He just waited in excitement for mom’s next outfit and mom? She’d stand behind the curtains with the words, “Are you ready hun?” and after a few seconds, “Surprise!”

  Dad’s eyes would light up and he’d just continue to tell her how beautiful she looked in each and every dress and he’d do it for mom even if she were to try on 100 dresses in the same day. I too would stand and act surprised but sometimes I got bored and got lost in the adult clothes hanging on the hangers just behind me.

  Don’t judge me for this part but I loved to walk near every piece of clothing and feel the cold cloth touch my skin. More accurately, my arms. I liked it a lot and I did it a lot as a child.

  After that, we decided that we had done enough clothing shopping and that’s when I saw the toy store. What kid can resist a toy store? Well maybe some can but not this kid. I pulled both my parents’ hands and ran with them into the store to find the most attractive toy for them to buy me. Dad could never refuse because although I was in this toy store looking for the main attraction, I was dad’s main attraction.

  I quickly found the best Barbie doll I could find and begged for it in a way they (mom and dad) could never refuse and you can guess, they bought it for me. I couldn’t imagine a world where I didn’t get what I wanted, mostly because I was so used to getting everything that I did want. I guess you could say I was spoiled but that was dad’s fault. I quickly ran outside the store with the doll in a bag eager to play with it. If I could’ve pulled it out and played with it on the floors of the mall, right there, in the middle of the mall’s walkway, I would’ve done just so.

  Thankfully, my parents took the bag out of my hands and just mentioned that they’d hold it for me till I got home or at least to the car. I didn’t want them too though. I mean I was a kid, I wanted to hold my own toy but mom did have a way with words when you got her mad. That’s when dad insisted I get to play with it, took it from mom and gave it to me.

  He was my favourite and it’s clear why. Sometimes dad saved me from mom’s confrontation in public when I misbehaved. I hated public confrontation so dad just gained points in my book.

  I might’ve been a kid but I was definitely afraid of any kind of embarrassment in public so yes, I still had feelings and yes I still had a bit of shame in me for a little kid.

  We ended the day with dinner from a local grill restaurant near the mall. The food made me happy and I loved eating with my family. We all ate as much as we could. At the end, I started to get full and refused to continue eating.

  You know how kids are.. This was when dad proceeded to feed me to get me to finish eating which worked by the way. I sort of liked it. Did someone say spoiled?

  I’m not sure if back then I genuinely was full or I just enjoyed the attention I was getting. Guess we’ll never really know.

  After that long day, we got home eventually where we all just went to sleep because it was pretty late.

  Chapter 2

  May 12th, 2009

  I was just about 9 years old. Today was Friday and I know I said I loved being on top of everything. What I meant to say at 8 years old, was that I was like that on a weekend. During the week, I might’ve been a little dead inside in
terms of sleep. I hated waking up early because school exhausted me. Why? Because I was a perfectionist and this was more of a curse than a blessing. All I did was study hard and critique myself which wasn’t always healthy and I’ve noticed that as an adult today.

  In conclusion, be careful. I guess unhealthy habits can start from childhood and even persist as an adult. Anyway, it was about 7a.m. and mom woke me up in the worst way, shouting my name louder than anything I’d ever heard. “Sabrina, it’s time for school!” “It’s 8a.m.” Obviously she was lying to get me to run out of my bed which I did. I got into the shower, brushed my teeth and got dressed as fast as I could.